Passionate Legacy

For a Bible study on loving others click on the link on the right side of the screen.Six-year-old Billy wants to take a turn on the swing during school recess time but six-year-old Susie will not get off the swing when he asks for a turn. Finally, Billy grabs at the swing and stops it. Susie yells and kicks at Billy who, in turn, yells and hits at Susie.Susie and Billy have a real life problem: how to share the swing.They have a problem in how to share the swing, and because they do not know how to solve it, they are fighting to get what they think they have…

Not all negative behaviors are misbehaviors. Before you begin to observe and chart the four misbehaviors, you need to be able to identify those times when negative behavior is not a misbehavior. Some examples are: The child is still young and needs to be trained in what is right or the child is attempting to solve a real life problem. In other words, sometimes the child is earnestly trying to get out of a difficult situation and doesn’t know how to improve things without acting in negative ways. It is important, therefore, that as you begin to learn to recognize the differences between the four basic types of misbehaviors, you…

Much of the following is from Taking Charge by Joanne Nordling (SYBYL Publications, 1999). Time-Out Aggressive behaviors are actions that deliberately try to hurt, either physically or emotionally. Children are being aggressive, for example, when they destroy objects in a room, bite, spit in people’s faces, fling themselves around the room knocking things over and bumping into people, or bang their heads against a wall. It is aggressive behavior when children seem to lose all inner controls by going into a rage and hurting themselves or others. Aggressive behavior can also be carried out in a more controlled way, for example, if the child deliberately tries to humiliate or hurt…

Much of the following is from Taking Charge by Joanne Nordling (SYBYL Publications, 1999).Children who avoid or refuse to do the daily chores of their lives are engaging in routine not-minding behavior. Not finishing school work, not cleaning their room, continually leaving the bicycle out in the rain, leaving their snack mess in the kitchen, not being responsible for feeding the pet, not tak­ing out the garbage, “sneaky” behaviors like getting into off-limit items and stealing are common examples. The child knows the behaviors that are expected, knows certain behaviors are to be done on a regu­lar basis, knows he or she will encounter strong negative attention from adults if…

“Ignoring,” also called “The Neutral Stance” When your teenager begins to escalate after you have followed through with a consequence, or they if they begin to argue with you after you have said “no” to a request, you’ll want to use “the neutral stance” in response.  The neutral stance is not passive. Rather it is the result of your active decision not to involve yourself in your child’s misbehavior. You remain calm and unwavering as your child escalates in an attempt to engage you in a power struggle.  You do not let emotions guide you.  Instead, you go about your routine, refusing to give in to your child’s demands and…

Have you ever tried to make dinner while your 3 year old whines that she is hungry, or that she wants you to hold her?  You explain that you are making dinner and she will eat soon,  but she continues to make annoying whining noises, hang on your legs, ask the same questions repeatedly, scoot in between you and the counter, or upset her younger sister just to get your attention?  That is Self-Indulgent behavior.  The corrections for Self-Indulgent behavior are Ignoring and the Either-Or Choice. Self-indulgent behavior is guaranteed to irritate even the most patient of parents. You can recognize self-indulgent behavior when children whine, argue, throw themselves on…

In our last article, we identified four categories of inappropriate behavior: Not-minding, Self-indulgent, Routine Not-minding and Aggressive behavior.  Each of these requires a different type of discipline in order to properly direct the child to a new and better way of acting and relating to others.  Knowing these corrections and applying them faithfully will result in children that have the self-control and life skills that will prepare them to better navigate the adult world.  Firmly, consistently and lovingly using these corrections is one of the greatest gifts you can give you children.  Here are some examples of how to correct the Not-Minding Behavior:The Corrections for Not-Minding:1.  The “Physical Assist” is…

Amy misses the bus about once a week and then calls home for a ride, Suzie throws a tantrum every time she does not get her way, Billy tricks his little brother into breaking rules and watches while he gets in trouble, Colin regularly leaves his coat on the floor and his back pack on the table.  It can be overwhelming to discern what the real issue is and how to address it.  What consequences will motivate these children to change their behavior?  Is it the same “time out” for every situation or are there specific methods that are appropriate for specific behaviors?Passionate Legacy Principle #6: Have a plan for…

I was sitting in a doctor’s office one day, and there was a father sitting and waiting with his 2 year old daughter. She was walking around the waiting room, but then wandered too far. So Dad called “Suzy, come here.” Suzy ignored him. The father repeated “Suzy, come here.” Suzy ignored him again. He repeated a third time louder “Suzy, come here!” Suzy turned and looked at him went “Pfffffffffffft” (gave him a raspberry). The father yelled “Suzy, come here now!” Suzy said “No!” The father walked over and picked Suzy up and took her to his seat. Then he proceeded to tickle her and play with her!! Passionate…

Do you realize that you may be sabotaging your own discipline of your children? Many parents do not even realize that the way in which they handle the rules of the house, has a direct impact on the effectiveness of their parenting.Passionate Legacy Principle #4: Make the rules of the house clear and consistent. Have only a few rules, and make sure they are clear to everyone and enforced without fail. They should be written, posted, and reviewed often. Choose your “hills to die on” and stick with them. Don’t make rules just for your convenience, every rule should have a strong basis for its existence, whether safety, morality, or…